Hello & welcome to a celebration of the finest pan--European annual musical jamboree known to man, the Eurovision Song Contest. And so to one of the most far flung of EBU locations, Baku in Azerbaijan. At a mere 2700 miles from Orkney, Azerbaijan should surely be your first choice for a Euro short break this year. Indeed even if you're a journalist, as the Azeri authorities have promised press freedoms for the duration of the contest...but not after it.

Although it is tempting to go when many Baku hotel rooms come with a tv, trouser press, and a hidden camera, I've decided for reasons of cost, corruption, and the small matter of expecting my first child during the ESC week, that I won't be holidaying on the Caspian this year.

So to the music. After one of the more turgid contests of recent years, hopes are high for a classic example of the ouevre to hit pay dirt this year. 42 participants will be oiling themselves up in the "crystal hall" in Baku, a newly constructed 20+k seater arena built especially for the contest.

The theme for the contest is "light your fire", so it's no wonder that the ball of energy that is Engelbert Humperdinck (76) will be back-flipping through the UK's entry. First up on Final night, I fear though that the old crooner will be washed away by Swedish Euphoria who will undoubtedly start the bookies favourite. If there is any challenge to outspoken long haired Berber-born Loreen from Sweden it is likely to come from the big guns of Russia, Italy, and Spain, with the Scandi's coolly building their bloc behnd. You can learn more over the 4 pages of this year's contest that can be found here